The Chase;

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No one wants a man that is too keen. Or do we?

Don’t we all dream about a man who buys us flowers and surprises us with dinners or weekends away? Or even just the small things, like taking an interest into how your day was, or kissing when you pass through a kissing gate on an afternoon stroll. Maybe when you’re in a relationship with him, but if he does this too early most of us lose interest. This is because there is no ‘chase’.

Now stereotypically it’s the man that likes the chase, he doesn’t want you to fall in love with him straight away and become all gushy. This is when he starts reading your messages and not replying for hours on end, or even worse not replying at all, or even worse still, you end up being ‘blocked’. But us women are probably more like men then we think… Well, in this instance. Unless you are absolutely desperate in which case you’ll settle for any man that will have you. Believe it or not, women like a bit of a chase as well.

5 years down the line when you are ‘still’ in your ‘long term relationship’ you will be thankful that he didn’t smother you in the beginning and that ‘you’ on the other hand made him graft.

Yes most people don’t like ‘playing games’, however when he no longer texts you back you will have wished you played along…

Seeing each other;

imageWhat is seeing each other? We all come across this stage before entering into the official stage, but what exactly does seeing each other entail?

So you’ve been on a few dates and are both into one another but it’s too soon to be in a full blown relationship, so you start ‘seeing each other’. But what are the rules? Is this just a less scary word than ‘relationship’? Or is this another stage of dating?…

Are you allowed to see other people? If so, does this mean you can get away with getting with someone else? ‘It’s not cheating as we’re not together’. Who’s heard that before? Surely if you’re into someone enough to start seeing them you wouldn’t be looking else where.

Maybe it’s just a new word for dating because dating someone sounds weird for our generation. Supposedly it’s a way of showing each other that you’re keen to be together but without being too keen that he backs off.

That brings us to a whole new topic… ‘The Chase’

Friends with benefits;

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Is this actually achievable? Maybe for him, but you will more often than not get attached. But still we convince ourselves that we won’t, and then continue to go through with it and end up getting hurt. And what is the point? For what? To feel wanted for a few hours only to be left feeling worse than you did before? Because really, he doesn’t want you. He’s just wants to get off.

How many times have you lied and said you were ‘on the same page’ because if he knew how you really felt he would back off? You’re too scared that he won’t want to see you if he knew you had feelings for him. Well guess what? Regardless of how much you love or care about him, he’s still using you.

Friends with benefits usually ends in someone getting hurt (usually you); or alternatively you end up in a relationship. Which probably isn’t a bad thing, but still defeats the whole ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. So is this really a thing anymore? How many of us can actually make this work? Or do we settle for this arrangement because we can’t work out what we actually want? We feel too young for commitment but every now and then feel lonely so feel the need to have someone to ‘booty call’.

But unless you’re Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, is it really with it?…

 

Unfinished Business;

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This generally comes from a relationship where there was no closure. A relationship that ended early. A relationship that for whatever reason you didn’t let run its course. Now this could be for many reasons, for example you were no longer on the same path as your partner and you decided to go separate ways, you got too comfortable and didn’t know how to get the spark back, or maybe for some reason you thought it was too late and lost the motivation to fight for one another.

But how do you know when there is unfinished business? If there is, you will know, and you will probably realise this at a very inconvenient time for example when he is in a new relationship or maybe even later down the line when his current relationship gets rocky. You know this because you find him accidentally liking old photos on your ‘Instagram’ when you thought you were blocked because his girlfriend was so insecure that she made him block you from all form of contact. ‘That’ is another hint that there may be unfinished business between you two; when his current girlfriend doesn’t trust him to be civil with you because even she knows that deep down he still loves you. When he leaves subtle hints to let you know that he still thinks of you. ‘Insert name here’ viewed your Linked In profile, ‘Insert name here’ liked a memory from 2010, but when you then go to click on his profile you find you are still blocked.

Do you wait around for him to come back into your life? Who says that he ever will? Or do you convince yourself that enough is enough and try to move on without ever getting the closure that you desired? Sometimes the time apart is what in the end brings you back together. If you’re meant to be together then you’ll end up back on the same path even if once upon a time you diverted from that.

Trust your instincts and if you truly believe that there is more to be had with this person make this known to them. Yes, everyone is forever telling us that we are so young and have our whole lives ahead of us, but if you don’t either make it work, or on the other hand get closure,  then how will you ever truly move on.

If you are true soul-mates you will find your way back together…

Blocked;

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Have you ever been blocked? Whether this be an ex boyfriend, a guy you had been seeing or are currently dating, being blocked is most definitely the worst feeling. Especially if you’re not the psycho type that is texting too frequently and won’t leave him alone.

In the case of being blocked, what can you do? There isn’t much you ‘can’ do other than get on with you’re life, move forward, don’t look back and try not to dwell on it.

Obviously you have been blocked for a reason, either because you were too clingy or they just weren’t into you and have a harsh way of showing it. You will probably never find out why you’ve been subjected to this cruel reality, but whatever that reason is, they have actively made a choice to not be contacted by you… It is probably best to leave it that way and not turn up on their doorstep looking for answers. If you find yourself stood outside his house, that’s when you know that you ‘are’ the psycho ex and now have the answers to your questions and should turn around and get back in your car and drive away.

Being blocked can be very upsetting especially if it’s someone you care deeply for or someone you have spent years of your time investing in your relationship with. Keep busy, do things that make you feel good, go for a run, read a book, go for drinks with your girlfriends. You will find the right man eventually, you just have to persevere.

‘What comes easy isn’t worth having, what is worth having doesn’t come easy’…

 

How do you end the date?;

Isn’t this the question we all wish we knew the answer to? Unless you’ve already made a run for it because it was that terrible that you’ve already blocked his number before you’ve even made it out the door. Well let’s hope that this isn’t the case, however you always need a get out of jail free card to avoid being rude. This normally consists of a girlfriend texting you approximately 45 minutes to an hour  into the date telling you that her dog has died. If it’s going well, you can either ignore this or respond with how amazingly hot he is in real life and that you want to marry the guy and make beautiful babies. If however you’re really ‘not’ feeling it, you have an excuse to call your girlfriend, who is now in such a state that you ‘have’ to  leave to go and comfort her. Let’s be honest, he won’t actually believe this but at least he now knows that you’re not into him so you can both let it ‘fizzle out’ or just never speak  again.

How many frogs must you kiss before you meet your prince?…

Now  this is the real question. To kiss or not to kiss? If the answer is kiss, then this poses even more questions and it just gets so complicated, that thinking about how to end the date takes you back to the beginning, finding excuses to get out of going in the first place. So what is the answer? Sometimes, a kiss is less awkward then not kissing. You avoid the awkward hug or kiss on the cheek; although if you know for sure that you don’t want to kiss, then showing him your cheek as you go in for the hug is often the way to go. DO NOT pat him on the back, that is just patronising!  If you choose to kiss then don’t use tongues; ‘too much too soon’ springs to mind. But what happens after the kiss takes place? What do you say? Who speaks first? What about  if you kiss, say goodbye, but then both walk in the same direction? #awkward.

The only thing to be certain of, is when the date is over, you will wait for him to text you first…

If not the cinema, then where?;

Straining your neck because the only seats left were in the front row, air conditioning freezing your arse off, listening to the sound of others fingering their bag of sweets; these are a few of many reasons why the cinema is the worst first date imaginable; you also haven’t made conversation for approximately 2 hours, whilst you’ve been sat wondering whether the date is going well and therefore totally forgetting to follow the story line of the movie.

So if not the cinema then where should you go?

Nothing to strenuous, don’t let him take you rock climbing or ice skating; this is a dangerous move when you don’t know one another that well. Just imagine planting your face into cold, hard ice after your feet escape from beneath you.

What about dinner? This also has the potential to be awkward, what might he be thinking when you order a bottle of wine with a straw because you forget you’re on a date and go for your usual mid week drink.

With this in mind, your best bet would be, evening drinks out; somewhere with a good vibe. Conversation easy (avoiding the awkward silences),  drinks flowing, but careful to not get carried away and call ‘shot o’clock’ on the hour because you’ve had one too many; remember this is your first encounter… First impressions matter!

Although he may come across as an alpha male, he is probably just as nervous as you, don’t try too hard or force conversation. If he is ‘the one’ this will all happen naturally. And whatever you do… You MUST go home alone.

‘Easy’ isn’t attractive…