5 things ‘not’ to do after a break up;

singleladies

Lots of us feel heart-broken after a break up and this can often have a very odd effect on us women and make us act out of the ordinary. However, in our vulnerable state we think that acting this way will result in him changing his mind and having the fairy-tale ending that you always dreamed of. In reality all you are doing is confirming that he made the right choice to end things…

 

  1. Don’t keep contacting him

Stop messaging him all the time. He doesn’t want you grovelling at the end of the phone. He has made his decision and you should respect that. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? All you are going to do is annoy him to the point that he will stop replying or even ‘block’ you.

 

  1. Don’t stalk his social media

You won’t like what you find. If you’ve just broken up I doubt you are going to see that he changed his profile photo to a lovely one of you both from your last summer holiday, or that he’s tagged you in a ‘couple goals meme’. Chances are he’s changed his relationship status to single which isn’t going to make you feel good when you see this or he hasn’t been on social media at all, in which you are wasting your time looking. If you do find anything you ‘will’ read into it. His best ‘girl mate’ tags him in something and suddenly you make up this whole story in your head of how they have been sleeping together behind your back. Save yourself the trouble and ‘stop stalking him’ and every girl that he speaks to!

 

  1. Don’t post about it on your social media

No one wants to see how depressed you are after a break up. The friends that you need around you will already be there. All you are doing is ruining a potential future relationship; other guys will see this and will be put off instead of taking an interest that you’re newly single. Obviously at this point you ‘don’t want anyone else’ but months down the line you’ll regret all the depressing social media posts. Instead, post all the exciting adventurous things that are happening in your life, don’t make it obvious but show him what he’s missing. If he still doesn’t come back then clearly he isn’t ‘the one’.

 

  1. Don’t speak to his friends

They don’t want you grovelling either. He will just get annoyed when he hears you have done this. And yes… they will tell him. Remember the ‘Bro Code’!

 

  1. Don’t turn up to places you know he is

If he wanted to see you he would make this happen. By turning up to places that he is, whether that be the pub, a club, or a mutual friends BBQ, you will just make it awkward for you, him, and all others that know you both. Maybe in the future when things have settled, it may be OK that you bump into each other every now and then, but right now avoid these situations! Seeing him will only upset you more and then when you leave all you’ll want to do is message him, then the whole cycle starts all over again.

 

So there you go. Deep down we all know this is true, but still most of us act in this way. If you have the will power, save yourself the hurt. Look at the positives; you’re no longer wasting your time on him and can now move forward with your life. If you’re meant to be together you will find your way eventually. But for now enjoy being single.

 

‘Don’t be the psycho ex, be the one who got away…’

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Seeing each other;

imageWhat is seeing each other? We all come across this stage before entering into the official stage, but what exactly does seeing each other entail?

So you’ve been on a few dates and are both into one another but it’s too soon to be in a full blown relationship, so you start ‘seeing each other’. But what are the rules? Is this just a less scary word than ‘relationship’? Or is this another stage of dating?…

Are you allowed to see other people? If so, does this mean you can get away with getting with someone else? ‘It’s not cheating as we’re not together’. Who’s heard that before? Surely if you’re into someone enough to start seeing them you wouldn’t be looking else where.

Maybe it’s just a new word for dating because dating someone sounds weird for our generation. Supposedly it’s a way of showing each other that you’re keen to be together but without being too keen that he backs off.

That brings us to a whole new topic… ‘The Chase’

Unfinished Business;

ex-boyfriend-open-letter-parhlo

This generally comes from a relationship where there was no closure. A relationship that ended early. A relationship that for whatever reason you didn’t let run its course. Now this could be for many reasons, for example you were no longer on the same path as your partner and you decided to go separate ways, you got too comfortable and didn’t know how to get the spark back, or maybe for some reason you thought it was too late and lost the motivation to fight for one another.

But how do you know when there is unfinished business? If there is, you will know, and you will probably realise this at a very inconvenient time for example when he is in a new relationship or maybe even later down the line when his current relationship gets rocky. You know this because you find him accidentally liking old photos on your ‘Instagram’ when you thought you were blocked because his girlfriend was so insecure that she made him block you from all form of contact. ‘That’ is another hint that there may be unfinished business between you two; when his current girlfriend doesn’t trust him to be civil with you because even she knows that deep down he still loves you. When he leaves subtle hints to let you know that he still thinks of you. ‘Insert name here’ viewed your Linked In profile, ‘Insert name here’ liked a memory from 2010, but when you then go to click on his profile you find you are still blocked.

Do you wait around for him to come back into your life? Who says that he ever will? Or do you convince yourself that enough is enough and try to move on without ever getting the closure that you desired? Sometimes the time apart is what in the end brings you back together. If you’re meant to be together then you’ll end up back on the same path even if once upon a time you diverted from that.

Trust your instincts and if you truly believe that there is more to be had with this person make this known to them. Yes, everyone is forever telling us that we are so young and have our whole lives ahead of us, but if you don’t either make it work, or on the other hand get closure,  then how will you ever truly move on.

If you are true soul-mates you will find your way back together…