5 things ‘not’ to do after a break up;

singleladies

Lots of us feel heart-broken after a break up and this can often have a very odd effect on us women and make us act out of the ordinary. However, in our vulnerable state we think that acting this way will result in him changing his mind and having the fairy-tale ending that you always dreamed of. In reality all you are doing is confirming that he made the right choice to end things…

 

  1. Don’t keep contacting him

Stop messaging him all the time. He doesn’t want you grovelling at the end of the phone. He has made his decision and you should respect that. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? All you are going to do is annoy him to the point that he will stop replying or even ‘block’ you.

 

  1. Don’t stalk his social media

You won’t like what you find. If you’ve just broken up I doubt you are going to see that he changed his profile photo to a lovely one of you both from your last summer holiday, or that he’s tagged you in a ‘couple goals meme’. Chances are he’s changed his relationship status to single which isn’t going to make you feel good when you see this or he hasn’t been on social media at all, in which you are wasting your time looking. If you do find anything you ‘will’ read into it. His best ‘girl mate’ tags him in something and suddenly you make up this whole story in your head of how they have been sleeping together behind your back. Save yourself the trouble and ‘stop stalking him’ and every girl that he speaks to!

 

  1. Don’t post about it on your social media

No one wants to see how depressed you are after a break up. The friends that you need around you will already be there. All you are doing is ruining a potential future relationship; other guys will see this and will be put off instead of taking an interest that you’re newly single. Obviously at this point you ‘don’t want anyone else’ but months down the line you’ll regret all the depressing social media posts. Instead, post all the exciting adventurous things that are happening in your life, don’t make it obvious but show him what he’s missing. If he still doesn’t come back then clearly he isn’t ‘the one’.

 

  1. Don’t speak to his friends

They don’t want you grovelling either. He will just get annoyed when he hears you have done this. And yes… they will tell him. Remember the ‘Bro Code’!

 

  1. Don’t turn up to places you know he is

If he wanted to see you he would make this happen. By turning up to places that he is, whether that be the pub, a club, or a mutual friends BBQ, you will just make it awkward for you, him, and all others that know you both. Maybe in the future when things have settled, it may be OK that you bump into each other every now and then, but right now avoid these situations! Seeing him will only upset you more and then when you leave all you’ll want to do is message him, then the whole cycle starts all over again.

 

So there you go. Deep down we all know this is true, but still most of us act in this way. If you have the will power, save yourself the hurt. Look at the positives; you’re no longer wasting your time on him and can now move forward with your life. If you’re meant to be together you will find your way eventually. But for now enjoy being single.

 

‘Don’t be the psycho ex, be the one who got away…’

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The Chase;

dating-2

No one wants a man that is too keen. Or do we?

Don’t we all dream about a man who buys us flowers and surprises us with dinners or weekends away? Or even just the small things, like taking an interest into how your day was, or kissing when you pass through a kissing gate on an afternoon stroll. Maybe when you’re in a relationship with him, but if he does this too early most of us lose interest. This is because there is no ‘chase’.

Now stereotypically it’s the man that likes the chase, he doesn’t want you to fall in love with him straight away and become all gushy. This is when he starts reading your messages and not replying for hours on end, or even worse not replying at all, or even worse still, you end up being ‘blocked’. But us women are probably more like men then we think… Well, in this instance. Unless you are absolutely desperate in which case you’ll settle for any man that will have you. Believe it or not, women like a bit of a chase as well.

5 years down the line when you are ‘still’ in your ‘long term relationship’ you will be thankful that he didn’t smother you in the beginning and that ‘you’ on the other hand made him graft.

Yes most people don’t like ‘playing games’, however when he no longer texts you back you will have wished you played along…

Seeing each other;

imageWhat is seeing each other? We all come across this stage before entering into the official stage, but what exactly does seeing each other entail?

So you’ve been on a few dates and are both into one another but it’s too soon to be in a full blown relationship, so you start ‘seeing each other’. But what are the rules? Is this just a less scary word than ‘relationship’? Or is this another stage of dating?…

Are you allowed to see other people? If so, does this mean you can get away with getting with someone else? ‘It’s not cheating as we’re not together’. Who’s heard that before? Surely if you’re into someone enough to start seeing them you wouldn’t be looking else where.

Maybe it’s just a new word for dating because dating someone sounds weird for our generation. Supposedly it’s a way of showing each other that you’re keen to be together but without being too keen that he backs off.

That brings us to a whole new topic… ‘The Chase’

Friends with benefits;

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Is this actually achievable? Maybe for him, but you will more often than not get attached. But still we convince ourselves that we won’t, and then continue to go through with it and end up getting hurt. And what is the point? For what? To feel wanted for a few hours only to be left feeling worse than you did before? Because really, he doesn’t want you. He’s just wants to get off.

How many times have you lied and said you were ‘on the same page’ because if he knew how you really felt he would back off? You’re too scared that he won’t want to see you if he knew you had feelings for him. Well guess what? Regardless of how much you love or care about him, he’s still using you.

Friends with benefits usually ends in someone getting hurt (usually you); or alternatively you end up in a relationship. Which probably isn’t a bad thing, but still defeats the whole ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. So is this really a thing anymore? How many of us can actually make this work? Or do we settle for this arrangement because we can’t work out what we actually want? We feel too young for commitment but every now and then feel lonely so feel the need to have someone to ‘booty call’.

But unless you’re Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, is it really with it?…

 

Blocked;

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Have you ever been blocked? Whether this be an ex boyfriend, a guy you had been seeing or are currently dating, being blocked is most definitely the worst feeling. Especially if you’re not the psycho type that is texting too frequently and won’t leave him alone.

In the case of being blocked, what can you do? There isn’t much you ‘can’ do other than get on with you’re life, move forward, don’t look back and try not to dwell on it.

Obviously you have been blocked for a reason, either because you were too clingy or they just weren’t into you and have a harsh way of showing it. You will probably never find out why you’ve been subjected to this cruel reality, but whatever that reason is, they have actively made a choice to not be contacted by you… It is probably best to leave it that way and not turn up on their doorstep looking for answers. If you find yourself stood outside his house, that’s when you know that you ‘are’ the psycho ex and now have the answers to your questions and should turn around and get back in your car and drive away.

Being blocked can be very upsetting especially if it’s someone you care deeply for or someone you have spent years of your time investing in your relationship with. Keep busy, do things that make you feel good, go for a run, read a book, go for drinks with your girlfriends. You will find the right man eventually, you just have to persevere.

‘What comes easy isn’t worth having, what is worth having doesn’t come easy’…

 

If not the cinema, then where?;

Straining your neck because the only seats left were in the front row, air conditioning freezing your arse off, listening to the sound of others fingering their bag of sweets; these are a few of many reasons why the cinema is the worst first date imaginable; you also haven’t made conversation for approximately 2 hours, whilst you’ve been sat wondering whether the date is going well and therefore totally forgetting to follow the story line of the movie.

So if not the cinema then where should you go?

Nothing to strenuous, don’t let him take you rock climbing or ice skating; this is a dangerous move when you don’t know one another that well. Just imagine planting your face into cold, hard ice after your feet escape from beneath you.

What about dinner? This also has the potential to be awkward, what might he be thinking when you order a bottle of wine with a straw because you forget you’re on a date and go for your usual mid week drink.

With this in mind, your best bet would be, evening drinks out; somewhere with a good vibe. Conversation easy (avoiding the awkward silences),  drinks flowing, but careful to not get carried away and call ‘shot o’clock’ on the hour because you’ve had one too many; remember this is your first encounter… First impressions matter!

Although he may come across as an alpha male, he is probably just as nervous as you, don’t try too hard or force conversation. If he is ‘the one’ this will all happen naturally. And whatever you do… You MUST go home alone.

‘Easy’ isn’t attractive…