Guest writer: Jonathan Barakat… 5 things ‘not’ to do after a break up; the male perspective;

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Break-ups are hard. End of. Whether you’re the one ending it or the one being dumped either way you can guarantee that next few weeks/months are going to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. You’re sure to encounter the highest highs and the lowest lows which can come and go at the mention of a name, place or simply hearing a song on the radio. BUT there are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself, so heres my top 5 things NOT TO DO after a break-up.

1. Don’t post attention seeking photos on social media

Although you might be going out more and having a good time to ‘drown your sorrows’ which isn’t always the wrong thing to do. If you’re going out of your way to post, in the hope that they will see you’re having a great time without them and feel jealous or angry you’re still thinking about them and they will know that. Not to mention all of your other followers seeing your reckless behaviour and potentially judging.

2. Don’t jump straight onto dating apps

You can guarantee all of your friends are going to be encouraging you to ‘get back on the horse’ and to ‘not give up on love’. Even though I happen to agree with this, maybe the next day/week is a bit too soon. Give yourself time to hurt and heal. if you don’t you’re only prolonging the agony.

3. Don’t keep contacting them

If they ended it then for whatever reason, he’s made his decision. Chasing and grovelling never got anyone anywhere and question whether you would actually want them to take you back out of pity. Remember though its hard, if they wanted you back they would call. They have got your number.

4. Don’t get over them by getting under someone

Some people think this is one of the best ways to cure heart break but I couldn’t think of anything more ridiculous. You’re upset, vulnerable and your judgement is definitely going to be impaired. Don’t do something you’ll later regret, focus on yourself and not other people. Also not to mention sleeping with someone ends all chances of reconciliation and is the final nail in the coffin.

5. Don’t stalk their social profiles

This includes getting your friends to check up on him and report back. Don’t forget that curiosity killed the cat. If its over it’s over and you have no right to be annoyed about who they’re hanging out with or talking to. Just be thankful that they had the decency to end your relationship before moving on rather than doing it behind your back.

So there you have them, my top 5 things to avoid doing when going through a break up. No one by any stretch of the imagination is saying it’s going to be easy but following these 5 steps will definitely make it easier and have you moving on much quicker.

“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars” – Violeta Para

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5 things ‘not’ to do after a break up;

singleladies

Lots of us feel heart-broken after a break up and this can often have a very odd effect on us women and make us act out of the ordinary. However, in our vulnerable state we think that acting this way will result in him changing his mind and having the fairy-tale ending that you always dreamed of. In reality all you are doing is confirming that he made the right choice to end things…

 

  1. Don’t keep contacting him

Stop messaging him all the time. He doesn’t want you grovelling at the end of the phone. He has made his decision and you should respect that. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? All you are going to do is annoy him to the point that he will stop replying or even ‘block’ you.

 

  1. Don’t stalk his social media

You won’t like what you find. If you’ve just broken up I doubt you are going to see that he changed his profile photo to a lovely one of you both from your last summer holiday, or that he’s tagged you in a ‘couple goals meme’. Chances are he’s changed his relationship status to single which isn’t going to make you feel good when you see this or he hasn’t been on social media at all, in which you are wasting your time looking. If you do find anything you ‘will’ read into it. His best ‘girl mate’ tags him in something and suddenly you make up this whole story in your head of how they have been sleeping together behind your back. Save yourself the trouble and ‘stop stalking him’ and every girl that he speaks to!

 

  1. Don’t post about it on your social media

No one wants to see how depressed you are after a break up. The friends that you need around you will already be there. All you are doing is ruining a potential future relationship; other guys will see this and will be put off instead of taking an interest that you’re newly single. Obviously at this point you ‘don’t want anyone else’ but months down the line you’ll regret all the depressing social media posts. Instead, post all the exciting adventurous things that are happening in your life, don’t make it obvious but show him what he’s missing. If he still doesn’t come back then clearly he isn’t ‘the one’.

 

  1. Don’t speak to his friends

They don’t want you grovelling either. He will just get annoyed when he hears you have done this. And yes… they will tell him. Remember the ‘Bro Code’!

 

  1. Don’t turn up to places you know he is

If he wanted to see you he would make this happen. By turning up to places that he is, whether that be the pub, a club, or a mutual friends BBQ, you will just make it awkward for you, him, and all others that know you both. Maybe in the future when things have settled, it may be OK that you bump into each other every now and then, but right now avoid these situations! Seeing him will only upset you more and then when you leave all you’ll want to do is message him, then the whole cycle starts all over again.

 

So there you go. Deep down we all know this is true, but still most of us act in this way. If you have the will power, save yourself the hurt. Look at the positives; you’re no longer wasting your time on him and can now move forward with your life. If you’re meant to be together you will find your way eventually. But for now enjoy being single.

 

‘Don’t be the psycho ex, be the one who got away…’

The Chase;

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No one wants a man that is too keen. Or do we?

Don’t we all dream about a man who buys us flowers and surprises us with dinners or weekends away? Or even just the small things, like taking an interest into how your day was, or kissing when you pass through a kissing gate on an afternoon stroll. Maybe when you’re in a relationship with him, but if he does this too early most of us lose interest. This is because there is no ‘chase’.

Now stereotypically it’s the man that likes the chase, he doesn’t want you to fall in love with him straight away and become all gushy. This is when he starts reading your messages and not replying for hours on end, or even worse not replying at all, or even worse still, you end up being ‘blocked’. But us women are probably more like men then we think… Well, in this instance. Unless you are absolutely desperate in which case you’ll settle for any man that will have you. Believe it or not, women like a bit of a chase as well.

5 years down the line when you are ‘still’ in your ‘long term relationship’ you will be thankful that he didn’t smother you in the beginning and that ‘you’ on the other hand made him graft.

Yes most people don’t like ‘playing games’, however when he no longer texts you back you will have wished you played along…

Friends with benefits;

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Is this actually achievable? Maybe for him, but you will more often than not get attached. But still we convince ourselves that we won’t, and then continue to go through with it and end up getting hurt. And what is the point? For what? To feel wanted for a few hours only to be left feeling worse than you did before? Because really, he doesn’t want you. He’s just wants to get off.

How many times have you lied and said you were ‘on the same page’ because if he knew how you really felt he would back off? You’re too scared that he won’t want to see you if he knew you had feelings for him. Well guess what? Regardless of how much you love or care about him, he’s still using you.

Friends with benefits usually ends in someone getting hurt (usually you); or alternatively you end up in a relationship. Which probably isn’t a bad thing, but still defeats the whole ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. So is this really a thing anymore? How many of us can actually make this work? Or do we settle for this arrangement because we can’t work out what we actually want? We feel too young for commitment but every now and then feel lonely so feel the need to have someone to ‘booty call’.

But unless you’re Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, is it really with it?…

 

Blocked;

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Have you ever been blocked? Whether this be an ex boyfriend, a guy you had been seeing or are currently dating, being blocked is most definitely the worst feeling. Especially if you’re not the psycho type that is texting too frequently and won’t leave him alone.

In the case of being blocked, what can you do? There isn’t much you ‘can’ do other than get on with you’re life, move forward, don’t look back and try not to dwell on it.

Obviously you have been blocked for a reason, either because you were too clingy or they just weren’t into you and have a harsh way of showing it. You will probably never find out why you’ve been subjected to this cruel reality, but whatever that reason is, they have actively made a choice to not be contacted by you… It is probably best to leave it that way and not turn up on their doorstep looking for answers. If you find yourself stood outside his house, that’s when you know that you ‘are’ the psycho ex and now have the answers to your questions and should turn around and get back in your car and drive away.

Being blocked can be very upsetting especially if it’s someone you care deeply for or someone you have spent years of your time investing in your relationship with. Keep busy, do things that make you feel good, go for a run, read a book, go for drinks with your girlfriends. You will find the right man eventually, you just have to persevere.

‘What comes easy isn’t worth having, what is worth having doesn’t come easy’…